Santa Cruz Sunday #33

 


for this garbage day 

I can find no good in today, 
and I don't want to try. 
It feels like a lie to sugarcoat reality, 
instead of naming what is. 
When there is much to grieve, 
too many losses and disappointments to name, 
too many things going wrong, 
when I'm better off
climbing back under the covers 
and trying again tomorrow. 

Blessed are we, the Debbie Downers
and Negative Neds, 
who come to you just as we are, 
with our loneliness and loss, 
our scarcity and sorrow, 
and say, God, there is just not enough, 
Not enough money to pay bills. 
Not enough jobs or safety
for those who have them. 
Not enough wisdom to find solutions. 
Not enough strength or comfort or connection. 
Not enough patience to deal with these people. 
Things are hard today. 

Perhaps it is too much to say, 
"God, thank you for today," 
because today is already topped up with 
frustrations and bad attitudes 
and unhope. 

So instead, may there also 
be a blessing for those of us who say, 
"God could you come meet us here on this garbage day?" 
Give me a microscope to notice 
the tiny, tiny graces. 
The smell before the rain. 
The softness of my pet's fur. 
The way my friend 
gives the best hugs. 
Or that my favorite show 
always cheers me up. 

So when gratitude feels impossible, 
may I learn to compress my attention 
so narrow as to find the smallest
hopes. 
Not as a formula or to quiet the wrongs, 
but as a practice of finding 
any crumbs of joy
now visible on the kitchen floor. 

-Kate Bowler 

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